This week I went to see the movie Inside Out 2, the Disney Pixar sequel that tackles some big psychotherapeutic topics with the charm and humour only Disney can.
The movie catches up with the lead character as she hurtles headlong into puberty and the emotions we saw finding equanimity in the first movie tumble into disarray. There were knowing laughs from the adults in the audience, not only as some were parents to teenagers but also, I imagine, in recognition of their own teen turmoil!
The concept brilliantly explores the impact our hormones and significant life stages can have on our sense of self, and while our protagonist managed to get a handle on this in the duration of one hockey match (the most fanciful part of the whole movie in my opinion!), I was left considering how core beliefs follow us from our teens into adulthood and can put us at risk of burnout.
Not wanting to give too much of the plot away, the story line outlines the risk anxiety can present in trying to disprove negative core beliefs we hold about ourselves. The predominant one being “if I just work harder and achieve more, I will be liked/accepted/good enough”, often to the detriment of our mental wellbeing.
Our core beliefs are central to how we see ourselves, not only as an individual, but also in relation to others and the world around us. These can be built upon explicit experiences we had in childhood, for example being told by a parent, teacher or other significant adult that we are “not good enough”, or more subtle influences where we have interpreted experiences in a negative way and made assumptions about our worthiness.
A good way to explore our core beliefs is to complete these sentences:
I am……
The world is……
People are…..
The ends of these sentences can begin to pull together our sense of self and how we fit into the world around us. Do we feel safe, confident and connected, or are we unsure, untrusting and cautious? It is important to challenge these beliefs to understand if this is a world we have created in our imagination, or if our perception is based in fact. Spoiler alert…..they are rarely fact, but our brains have a good way of making us believe they are!
Negative core beliefs can feel like truth, wielding so much power that we believe no matter what we do they are reality. This can feel like a hopeless place and often leads to symptoms of depression. Some examples of these beliefs are:
I am unloveable
I am worthless
I am a failure
I am bad
Alternatively, we can develop the idea that our core beliefs, and subsequently our self-worth are conditional.
I am only loveable if I…….
If I achieve …… I will be accepted
I will be good enough when …….
It is these conditions that begin to fuel a work ethic that can lead to burnout. As many of you know, goals need to be SMART. So, if you have a core belief that you are “not good enough”, how is it possible to measure the outcome of any conditions you try to fulfil in striving to achieve this? It’s hard to disprove a core belief, especially if it has been held since childhood.
These conditions often rely on external validations; the promotion, the bank balance, the job title, the qualification. I like to refer to these as “horizon goals”, every time you get closer, or you think you’ve reached your destination it just moves further away. There is always something else to aim for and you run the risk of working harder and harder, only to burn yourself out along the way.
This can all sound a little disheartening, but it allows for reflection on why your goals are your goals, where your work ethic stems from, and if it serves to run you into the ground or carry you to true fulfilment. The good thing is that core beliefs are learned, and therefore can be unlearned. This can be hard work and you may need the support of a professional, but the possibility of change provides hope. You can take steps to counteract negative core beliefs by making them more balanced and work towards a more positive self-perception. Some examples are:
Instead of “I am not enough” try “I have a lot to offer just as I am”
Balance “I am unlovable” with “I am worthy of love and acceptance”
Counter “I am a failure” with “Failure is not fatal; I can always try again”
Ultimately a healthy sense of self and positive core beliefs can protect us from burning out, but these need to be fostered from the “Inside Out”. Knowing your worth regardless of any external validation, achievement or perceived success can help keep your drive in check. It’s important to be motivated and passionate but not in lieu of joy, rest, connection, or your mental health!
